My earliest Christmas memory was that when I was 4. My mom woke me up with a kiss and gave me the big sock that I hung near my bedside window 2 nights before. In the stocking I found green apples and Cloud 9 chocolates, which I immediately open and gobble up like it’s just normal to find foods on Christmas stocking and not gifts.Really, I was not expecting gifts coz my mom did not tell me that ‘Santa will come to our house and leave gifts under, if not inside my hanged stocking at Christmas Eve (only if you’re good) kind of crap.’ She just told me that I’ll get my gifts from her and daddy and maybe from some other people later after we went to church. And then we’ll eat together with the rest of our relatives and have a great time.
For the rest of my childhood, I had my perfect Christmases and I literally grew up as a happy kid with apples and chocolates during Jesus’ birthday.
Then puberty stage sets in and the I’m-always-crying-during-Christmas phase began. I don’t exactly remember what started that but since 2nd year of high school up to last year, I spend a small portion of my Christmas day crying. From trivial things like broken eyeliner, melted ice cream and cheesy TV commercials to who came back late into the house can be a reason for me to cry. I’m not actually sad about all those things; it’s just that when my Christmas seems even little bit less perfect, my tear ducts suddenly get it’s own mind and produces all the waterworks it can let out. And after that, it will all turn out A-okay and I’ll get to have another yuletide season of joy.
Now, why am I writing all these?.. Maybe to get myself into the holiday spirits… To remind myself that I used to be this happy girl who’s always optimistic of having a happy Christmas; who always gets her happy Christmas.
As I write this note less than a day before Christmas, I still feel so blue. I’m not sure why; it’s not as if it’s my 1st Christmas away from home but I just can’t find my happy mood to tolerate Dubai’s no big deal attitude towards my favorite holiday. Oh well, whatever. I should not care what they think. SERIOUSLY! I’m going to snap out of this holiday blues and start having a merry little Christmas time!
Will start singing: C is for the candy trimmed around the Christmas tree, H is for the happiness for all the family…
Oh God, why do I always seem to have bipolar disorder when I write?..
Maybe I’ll go get some apples and chocolates later.
Har, har, har!
